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Like, *seriously*?

There’s no denying the fact that I got out of bed on the wrong side today. I woke at 5.37am, dry-mouthed and exhausted, with the faint taste of last night’s elegantly flavoured £3.99 corner shop wine coating my teeth. I wrenched my sorry eyes round in their sockets, scowled the scowl of scowls at that hideous symbol of oppression my hairbrush, and drifted back into two hours of fitful sleep accompanied by a unicorn and my Geography teacher from Year Seven.

No, I didn’t feel that great to start with, dear reader. An acre of horse shit was weighing down on me from the word go. I clocked in at 30 stone, my skin was like a Braille edition of a William S. Burroughs novel, I still wasn’t a virgin again and the cancer that eluded every doctor’s examinations seemed to have spread at last to my brain.


It got worse as I began to make overtures towards the outside world. A glance through the window revealed an icy wonderland that would have looked spiffing on a nice postcard. Oof.


And then I checked out the news.


CAMERON SENDS COMA VICTIM DOWN MINE


EDUCATION FOR POOR IS ‘WASTE OF PUBLIC MONEY’


UNDISCOVERED TRIBE DISCOVERED BY DAILY MAIL REPORTERS


TOP WAG WANKS MYSTERY MAN OFF IN TESCO CAR PARK SHOCKER


... Tell me I’ve paraphrased extravagantly and I shall tell you you’re a liar. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with all this.
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I'm baaaaaaack!

Dahlings, I'm back!!! I've got SO much to tell you all!!! Actually, no I haven't. It's SOOOPER dull here in this villa in Seville, and my husband isn't interested in me anymore since he got signed to Man City. Entertain me.
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A survey

What's the first thing that springs to mind when I say "Green Party member"? Do you have a fixed stereotype of what most of us are like, or not?
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My birthday/NYE

I can't go to France for my bday (31st Dec) now as we have to stay here in case my great aunt deteriorates any further... :( What are people doing for NYE? I want to try and be where most of my mates are, so I can get more birthday cards (joke)... :P
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Job at g3!! Let me know if you or anyone you know might be interested...

Square Peg Media are seeking a junior staff writer to work on g3, their monthly magazine for lesbian and bisexual women. Your duties will be diverse, and will include researching and writing articles as well as some picture research. This is a part-time position, and salary will be dependent upon experience. A knowledge of the lesbian/gay scene would be an advantage.

To apply, send a CV, covering letter and examples of any published work to charlotte@g3mag.co.uk